Shout Out to Carers!

I always think it takes a special type of person to care for someone else.  It's not a career I would choose personally, but I admire those who do.  It's a job that many are good at but what about those people who find themselves in a caring position due to personal circumstances?  

I think sometimes the professionals can take a more objective view of caring.  I'm not saying they are never affected by a patient but they don't have the emotional connection that is there when you care for someone you know and love.  

My first experience of a carer was when my father became ill.  He had strokes, suffered from a deteriorating condition and suffered the early stages of dementia.  On an evening when my mother came home from work, all I wanted to do was escape.  Caring was lonely, and upsetting.  My rather used to apologise when I helped him, and this was heart-breaking.  He needed help to the commode, but would then apologise, and that always plays on my mind.  It wasn't exactly the dream father-daughter relationship, and not a situation we ever imagined ourselves to be in.

I lost my father nine years ago and he is regularly on my mind.  I am proud to have had the opportunity to care for him. 

Of course I care for my children too, but around 18 months ago, my husband's epilepsy worsened and I have had to care for him too.  I suppose my point is that when you care for someone you love, someone in your family, it's hard to actually admit that you are a carer.  From my point of view I don't feel like one, I'm just doing what I can in the situation I am in.  Caring in these situations comes unexpectedly, it's one of these categories you slip into without even realising it.  You have to change and adapt your life when illness occurs, and this can be difficult to come to terms with - for everyone, and especially the person being cared for. 

My town has its own caring charity and I was surprised at the number of young carers in the area too.  My children help out when my husband is ill, and sometimes I feel they take on responsibilities that at their age they shouldn't have to, however we are united as a family.  I have shown them what to do when their father is ill, explained about the different seizures, and they have also had talks with our local epilepsy charity which was helpful.  Don't think for a second that my children are far from perfect and misbehave regularly.  They are still young and sometimes they don't fully understand what is going on.  Maybe they don't know how lucky they are because a lot of young carers are from one parent families, hence why the children are the carers.  

Caring is hard, harder than a lot of people assume.  Watching someone you love, be ill everyday is awful and this must have an impact on the children.  Your own needs are last on the list because everyone else has to come first.  You have to be there for another person, on demand and it's hard to make any future plans.  

Let's just give a shout out to ALL carers, especially the young ones!  

Are you are a carer or do you know someone who is?  What's your experience?   

Cuts, Care and the NHS

I don't think that anyone can deny the unpredictability and strain put on our National Health Service.  I am not here to chastise the service but I am going to share a personal experience.  As well as many other health issues, my husband has a large brain aneurysm.  We have known about this since July 2014, although the MRI took place in the June and we were told we would be contacted if there were any problems, it took for us to find out by chance ~ my husband saying 'I suppose everything was OK with the MRI, seen as I haven't heard anything?' whilst on a routine check-up.  No news is good news right!  WRONG!  I had to then contact the initial consultant at the hospital who had informed the Doctor and arranged the MRI and ask what was happening.  Initially the receptionist told me he didn't have one and his Doctor was misinformed, but then two days later he got a letter in the post confirming his referral to another consultant/surgeon.  

We finally got an initial appointment for the September - which we have to travel to another town (not to our closest hospital but to the second closest - which isn't close at all) for the appointment as our hospital is slowly dwindling, leaving an empty, barely 25 year old. hospital building due to cuts.  The first appointment was cancelled and we got offered another two weeks later.

At the initial consultation, the coiling procedure was suggested and we had to wait around for a CT scan with dye.  After four hours in the hospital we left, being told that in 6-8 weeks we would get invited to the clinic.  Unfortunately, after chasing this myself, twice, and the Doctor chasing this a further three times due to other underlying health issues that couldn't be treat because of the aneurysm, he got three appointments for February 2015, seventeen-eighteen weeks after his initial consultation.

He needed an assessment with the nurse, then an appointment for the September - which we have to travel to another town (not to our closest hospital but to the second closest - which isn't close at all) for the appointment as our hospital is slowly dwindling, leaving an empty, barely 25 year old. hospital building due to cuts.  The first appointment was cancelled and we got offered another two weeks later.

At the initial consultation, the coiling procedure was suggested and we had to wait around for a CT scan with dye.  After four hours in the hospital we left, being told that in 6-8 weeks we would get invited to the clinic.  Unfortunately, after chasing this myself, twice, and the Doctor chasing this a further three times due to other underlying health issues that couldn't be treat because of the aneurysm, he got three appointments for February 2015, seventeen-eighteen weeks after his initial consultation.

He needed an assessment with the nurse, then an appointment with the Consultant two days later to give his consent for the procedure, and then a further date for a procedure two weeks later. The procedure wasn't to get rid of the aneurysm though, it was for a cerebral angiogram - basically they put a tube in your groin, feed it up to your neck and put dye in to see how the blood can flow through the aneurysm - all amazing stuff, but as they go through a main artery this was a day surgery procedure.  

After waiting an hour for the first appointment to take place, the Nurse came and got the Consultant to do the consent that day, to save us having to travel back two days later.  We were really grateful for this as travelling and paying parking charges was horrendous and took so many hours out of our day, meaning we had to arrange childcare for our three children.  She told us that the third appointment needed to be changed to a day later than originally planned.  We agreed but then the Consultant called her out and they offered us a procedure for the next day.  We returned hope that the cerebral angiogram was going to happen sooner rather than later and we prepared an overnight bag, childcare as we had to go in early hours and stay most of the day.  We were told that the procedure could be cancelled on the day if no beds were available on the allocated ward, due to emergencies, so we had to call the ward before 7am in the morning to find out what time we needed to go to hospital.  

Much to my husbands dismay, we then got a phone call that evening to inform us that no beds would be available and we needed to go back to the appointment offered earlier that day, a day later than originally arranged.  

On the morning of the cerebral angiogram, I telephoned the ward at 6am and the nurse told me to call back at 8am as she didn't know if the procedure was taking place.  I telephoned back at 8am but struggled to get through and at one point someone answered and said 'We are busy on the ward at the moment, please call back in ten minutes' and then hung up.  I left it ten minutes and then I called again, and I called, and I called.  Eventually someone answered but then returned the telephone to the receiver and I got a cut-off dial tone.  I eventually got through after twenty-five minutes to be told that as far as they were aware, all electro-procedures were cancelled for today, but that the department who did the scan should have called to cancel as it was decided yesterday evening.  

So... both the ward and department knew that the procedure was cancelled the day before, yet nobody could let us know or even tell us at 6am when we called! 

They gave me the telephone number of the scanning department to call after 9am.  y the way, my husband was nil-by-mouth and I still didn't have a solid answer as they only said 'as far as they knew' and then gave me that number.  

Of course the ward, blamed the scanning department, and the scanning department blamed the ward which infuriated me even more.  I was told 'well it says in the letter it can be cancelled due to lack of beds on the ward'.  My husband wanted to cancel the procedure because of how we had been treat.  How is this patient care?  How is blaming on another professional behaviour on the telephone to your patients?  

My friend had taken the day off work to be around for my children in between school and nursery.  Everyone was on stand-by, yet just like that, it was cancelled.  My husband has several health issues at the moment, and I work, but there was no thought at all for our circumstances.  

Another frustrating part was that I rang to complain several times and even their complaints team wasn't available.  I ended up sending an email - this was at 9:10am - they called me back at 4:10pm and I explained how concerned I was with their lack of organisation and care.  I explained it wasn't the fact that the procedure was cancelled, it was the lack of concern, or compassion, the fact that nobody could accept responsibility for not letting us know, and what was the point in sending a letter asking someone to call at a specific time if nobody could give them an answer?  

He did get the procedure, a week later - this week in fact. Again we had to ring before 7am.  I asked them to change the day from a Tuesday as this was the most difficult for me to arrange childcare, but she said 'Well the consultant wanted to see him as soon as possible, and if you want a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, it will be a longer wait plus as these are days that the anaesthetist is available and your husband doesn't require one, he has more chance of being postponed again.'  I told her to leave it at Tuesday then as I thought it was important, and not to concern herself with out personal circumstances. 

Just to reflect on my experience - cuts are still being made in relation to the NHS - what happens if further cuts are made?  Clearly, the NHS staff are so stressed that they are losing sight of what's important - their patient care.  I do feel for them, it's a hard job and not a one I would like to do.  They provide an unpredictable and vital service, and they save lives, we need them!  

My husband is not able to have the coiling procedure as the angiogram found that the aneurysm has grown, is shaped awkwardly, and some of the veins are already blocked as the dye didn't go through as it should've done.  I think this is so important he gets this operation, and I know it's not personal, but I am worried that it bursts which we have told would most likely be fatal.  I ask, is this what we will see with more financial restraints - Doctors being forced to only provide operations as emergencies occur (like burst aneurysms) due to lack of resources and them not being able to cope with patient levels?  

Our NHS needs support to prevent these happen!  

Whilst on the ward, I could hear people talking about an empty ward upstairs, when operations were being cancelled after my husband was admitted because the beds were not on that ward.  I mean if this is an ongoing problem, it is only going to get worse so why isn't anyone looking at extending the ward, or using another ward too.  

I think care is important here - this is a supposedly caring service, but pressures like costs and lack of organisational skills are preventing the service from being most effective.  I must admit, that once you do get in to have your procedures the doctors and staff are amazing - the things they can do are unreal!  I am always of the view that you treat others as you want to be treated so I think that the NHS is in need of our support right now - CARE for the NHS, so that they can CARE for you.  

I realise that there are a lot of people in the NHS that get ridiculous amounts of money, but lower pay-grade staff like the nurses provide a great service and they need to feel appreciated, yet they struggle to get a livable pay-rise.  I feel that this lack of appreciation is starting to reflect the way that they treat their patients in some cases.  

OK, so it can be argued that this was one experience but really it was a series of experiences.  I was also talking to people in the day-room who had also had similar experiences and it was frightening to know that others had endured a similar fate.  Again, this is only one hospital - but it is a hospital with a good reputation.  They closed the hospital in my town and now we have to go to a nearby town.  That hospital can't cope with car-parking of the people travelling in, never mind patients and the strains are apparent there too, which is putting further strain on the hospital in question.   

To the powers that be, the saying goes 'you can't put a price on health' but clearly this is happening.  Stop cutting services and risking our health!  

What's the Point of University?

This is a question that I can't answer in the eyes of someone else, but I can answer for my own perspective.  If you are considering doing this, I would highly recommend it.  Not only have I got a degree, the whole experience has changed my life.  

I went to University late in life.  I had a terrible time in school, I was anxious, frightened of everything and even ended up on atni-depressants at the age of 14.  I had panic attacks, mood swings, and I also caught tonsilitus at least once per month, which would then spread into my blood stream and cause my legs and ankles to swell and bruise. 

At 16, I left school with a couple of qualifications but nothing worthwhile.  I did some AEB basic tests, CLAIT and IBT II when I was 15-16 as I worked within a small unit of people who tried to integrate people back into school.  I knew I had to do something. After school I went to college part time just to get my English GCSE.   

I started working in an office and I completed an NVQ level 2 in Business Administration.  I maintained administrative roles for over ten years and I completed several courses eventually leading to a level 3 NVQ, and then the opportunity to complete an assessing qualification and PTLLS, but I wanted more.  The problem was, although I had experience and felt confident in my work role, I felt less confident about my academic abilities and intelligence.  

Progressing in my administration role was a possibility at one point but I knew it wasn't what I wanted.  I pondered for a while on what to do, and I went on a short Creative Writing Course ran through a local University.  I decided that I wanted to do a challenging academic course that would see if I was clever enough for University and chose an access course in my local college that would give me the most options as I had no clue what to do.  I started that course and found that I was good at Sociology, History, Psychology, but my strongest subject was English.  I must admit I was surprised as I had always found Maths was my strong point.  

I applied for a full time degree in English and Creative Writing early in 2011, and got accepted.  I was thrilled and frightened - all these people, younger than me, probably brighter than me.  I had never been a people person, and found it challenging to make friends.  I didn't even know if my writing was good enough to be studying creative writing!

I had to talk myself into attending at first, and I would sit at the back whilst everyone else made friends.  Like a child I would wait for people to talk to me first.  I enjoyed the challenges, the topics, the assessments and I found the more I went, the more comfortable I felt in this world.  The Lecturer's inspired me (well at least most of them) and I wanted to be like them.  I had a child two weeks after starting, but that didn't stop me completing my studies as I loved it.  The first semester was difficult as I got used to University life, but in the second semester I found it easier to make friends and I must say that I have made several friends-for-life, and I am so pleased that these talented people know me, as so many have achieved so much.  I started to build confidence - I knew what I wanted, and I knew I was going to take it.  

Second year was the hardest year of my life.  The  jump in level and a child that didn't sleep made me feel like I was out of my depth, but I wanted this so I persevered.  University friends were very supportive, offering to read through my assignments and help, I couldn't ask for anything else.  

I knew in third year that I really had to step-up and put the time in, no time for slacking.  Even though this was the toughest year of my life in light of personal circumstances, I worked harder.  I got a 2:1 degree and I couldn't be happier!  A story of mine was also chosen to be printed in a collection of short stories published by lecturers of the University.

So for me, University gave me opportunities, a chance to make connections, to make friends, to be recognised as an academic, to have my work published.  It helped me to develop as a person and build confidence in my own ability.  I have formed strong friendship bonds and I am not afraid to talk to new people and introduce myself.  It turned me into a stronger person who knows what she wants.  

I thought that having a degree was just a dream, and yet when I achieved this, I knew that wasn't enough, I wasn't ready to leave as I had only just begun.  With the support of my mother, I have been able to sign up to the MA and I have just finished my first semester.  This is part time though so I have 18 months left.  This has brought further opportunities as the University has launched its own publishing house and I applied to be a voluntary member of the Copywriting Team, which actually lead to me becoming the Team Leader.  I feel like the sky is the limit for me!

Although I haven't decided my definitive career path I know I either want to lecture in English and maybe creative writing, or work in a writing, editing or publishing role, it doesn't matter because I have options.  University has given me the tools I need to become the person I want to be.  There's still work to be done but I'm getting there and I would certainly recommend a degree, and the University experience as a whole.

How you are discriminated against if you claim Tax Credits and become disabled?

I don't usually talk about issues like this, however I have become more aware of the benefits system over the last year with my husband getting ill.  After he lost his job in the March, we had to start living on around £71 per week for the first 13 weeks.  In the April I assumed as he got Epilepsy and was having seizures each day and could not work, we would get things like free school meals, and free medical treatment to help us out.  Unfortunately, I was sadly mistaken.  

Bearing in mind that our children used to be in full time childcare because I worked part time and studied for a degree full time, whilst my husband worked full time - seven days a week usually as he would take any overtime.  We lost all that once there was only myself working.  My husband was having seizures every day, and I had no childcare - when I couldn't leave him alone with the kids.  My yougest was two and didn't have any childcare at all so the system made it impossible for me to work.  Luckily, I teach and assess, and I was able to work from home assessing online qualifications but I do have to travel to meetings and for training, but we managed to squeeze that in.  I did manage to contact my local authority and got a plfor my two year old for 15 hours each week and this was a god send.

I found this so strange, that if one of you became so ill you couldn't care for the children and the other had to work, then you couldn't claim childcare, what was that about?  If you become disabled, you have to be incapacitated for over six months and then it is possible to have childcare reinstated and it also means that if you are on a low income, you are also entitled to Working Tax Credit too - something I have never been entitled to, so in the first six months of becoming disabled and incapacitated, they make your life impossible by taking this away and if your a couple, it makes it harder for your partner to maintain their employment.  I wonder where the logic is here?   

When I reported our loss of income, Tax Credits still 'allow' you to earn £2500 extra - they don't count this as an income drop.  This put us at a huge disadvantage as I worked our new incomes more than half or our yearly earnings previously, at only £15000.  This should've meant that we were entitled to free school meals and free medical treatment due to this disregard of the £2500 as although our award notice said the correct amount, the system that links to the local authorities means that we were not entitled.  

I don't understand why we were forced to live in poverty.  We had to borrow money from my family to survive and rely on them for childcare.  We were lucky, what about people who aren't as lucky as we are?  

My husband is still ill and has even more health conditions, but we are determined he will get better.  I know and understand that there are some people on benefits that don't deserve it but in 13 years of being together, this was the only time we had to claim anything, apart from assistance towards childcare.  I do find it hard to comprehend that the benefit system seems to punish those who need it and when you have worked so hard, and are then treat like you don't deserve it, it's not fair.  I agree there are lots of arguments about benefits, and who gets or deserves them and I was always aware that there was problems within the system, but who makes it harder for someone to work by taking childcare help away.  This is about how people who have worked hard are punished because they get a medical condition or become disabled.  It's not people who have worked for many years and need a helping hand whilst in recovery that the DWP/HMRC should be concerned with! 

Do you have a good or bad experience of the benefits system?  Do you think that hard working families should be punished because one of them becomes disabled?  What about if this was a single parent who became ill - with no family support, how would they have survived?  

I have no idea who comes up with these idealistic benefit policies, but they want to try and look at some of the personal circumstances here and live through it!  

We survive, and we manage our money well.  I know we will get through it and that things will look up.  Health is the most important thing to us right now, and let's not forget that I have maintained working myself, even though it was made so difficult and we have kept our benefits to a minimum.  As my husband has been unemployed for over a year now, I can claim childcare if I need to, and I now get a small amount of Working Tax Credit.  We are living on a lot less, but I know there are people a lot more worse off than what we are.  

My aim was to bring attention to the fact that if you develop a disability, you do suffer discrimination from HMRC.  I hope that this is something neither you or I, will have to experience again!  

Top Ten Books

I thought a good place to start and introduce myself was to give you a list of my all time favourite books.  With being a University student currently, I don't tend to read a lot of modern books so some of my top ten are classics.  My home is like a library because I have so many books, but as my time is taken up with my degree and my work, I don't read a lot of novels for fun at the moment, it's usually based around University or work.  I do love reading and it is certainly the way forward.

  

1.  A Game of Thrones, George R.R. Martin.  

I absolutely adored the first book of 'A Game of Thrones' however I was not keen on the second book.  I found it difficult to read, so I haven't read the books proceding this.  I am looking forward to the televised series returning in April 2015 though.  

2. Silence of the Lambs, Thomas Harris.

Hannibal Lecter is a fantastic.  I'm really intersted in sinister stories and I found this really interesting.  Crime fiction is my favourite but who doesn't love a bit of horror now and then.  the psychological aspect is enthralling.  A memorable novel! 

3.  Spectral Visions: The Collection, Edited by Colin Younger

This is a collection of short gothic stories.  This is a really interesting read and considering my own short story is published in this collection, it had to appear on my list.  

4.  Alex Cross's Trial, James Patterson

I wasn't sure what I was going to make of this, however, I the discussing of lynching and racial discrimination by the Klu Klux Klan in University in one of my subjects and I decided to give this story a try.  I got it from a church bric-a-brac sale for 20p so I can't complain.  It was really great, I would certainly recommend.  

5.  Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen

In the final year of my BA (hons) degree, I studied Jane Austen and I was pleasently surprised with this novel as I am a huge fan of the gothic genre.  Out of all of the Austen novels this was the most enjoyable.  

6.  Dracula, Bram Stoker.  

OK, so I'm not going to lie, I had studied Dracula fpreviously and I was not looking forward to studying it again last year for the third time.  However, my MA English Studies course really turned my opinion around of this novel.  We applied several different critical theories to the novel and I got so much more from it this time and feel that previously, I had underated it without really understanding it.  It had to be on this list as one of my favourites as I know the novel inside out, and my opinion of the novel has completely been overturned.  Renfield and Van Helsing really are my favourite characters of all time! 

7.  The Inheritors, William Golding

I gave this novel a read in 2011, but things got in the way.  I knew over the summer I just had to start again and give this another go as I love reading historically based stories and find the concepts of neanderthals really interesting.  This story is sad, but I love how Golding captures an historical essence, he has really done his research.  

8.  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J K Rowling

Although I'm a huge fan of Harry Potter and The Order of the Pheonix, I do find the final book the most enjoyable.  I think that after the earlier books in the collection, it was time to say goodbye to Voldemort and the build up in the final book was excellent.  I couldn't put it down!  

9.  Moll Flanders, Daniel Defoe

Another favourable classic.  I can't help but like Moll, sure she's a criminal but she is such a victim of her time and I can't help but feel sorry for her.  She does what she has to do to survive and I think she's great.  She's a strong, poor, woman, in a man's world.  

10.Frankenstein, Mary Shelley

This is such a sad story and Frankenstein's monster is such a misunderstood character who's life could've been so different if he had just been treat differently by society rather than an outcast, even by his inventor, his father, Frankenstein.  This is again a novel that represents its time and there are so many life issues highlighted throughout the novel. Another great read, yet at times a little long and daunting, but still a favourite of mine.  

New Year = New Opportunities

The New Year has arrived, and although we can't be sure what's in store as life is unpredictable, I still think it's extremely important to make plans.  Planning helps you focus on your long-term goals and it gives you something to work towards.

By this time next year, what would you like to have achieved?  

The problem with making plans for people like me, is that I expect to do EVERYTHING in one year!  The truth is, the saying 'the sky's the limit' is not exactly true in the sapce of a year, well at least not for me.  Sometimes my expectations are too high and when I don't meet my goals, I just feel down, so I guess my point is, that when making plans, don't set yourself up for a fall and remember what the most important things in life are to you.  

For me this is simple as my family is the most important thing in the world.  My husband is ill and his health is a priority.  With that in mind, we have to stick to a healthy diet, and I need to continue to work from home so that I can support and care for my family.   

What are the most important things in your life? 

Although we all have our commitments and responsibilities, I believe everyone still needs their own plans for themselves too, so the question is, what do I want for me?  There are plenty of things I want, but due to current situations it isn't possible, however I am amazed with the opportunities that have came my way already.  

So what are my personal 'realistic' goal for this year? 

I am currently studying a Masters Degree on a part time basis in English Studies.  This is a personal goal for me as I love to study and want to push myself as far as possible.  For my BA (hons) in English and Creative Writing, I scored a 2:1, and my goal for the MA is to maintain this standard.  So I am going to take time to study and do as well at this degree as I possibly can.  Hopefully, if I do well,  I could look at doing a PHd.  

Another personal goal of mine is to create a new website - and I have started this today.  I want to create interesting blog posts and write articles and reviews.  

Finally, I want to create writing work fit for publishing.  I have recently been appointed as Team Leader of a Copywriting Team for a new, up and coming publishing house so I hope to be successful in my work and create work suitable for publishing.  I would also like to start writing academic papers too.  

I do really want to expand my business as I work as a self-employed tutor but I think this will have to wait for the future... - Maybe 2016 will be the year I focus more on my career plans.    

What are your plans for 2015?  Are you like me, and struggle to keep your plans realistic?