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Thursday, 13 August 2015

Is Your Relationship Good for You?

As quite a thoughtful person, I tend to over think things and I consider myself lucky relationship wise. This is because my husband is my best friend, my soul mate in fact, and not everyone experiences this in their life.  Do you think your relationship is good for you?  Is it positive? Have you grown since it began?

Sometimes I feel surrounded by people who just don't seem to have experienced a good relationship, and that doesn't mean that mine has never been without issues or problems.  I am not saying it's by all means perfect and it got me thinking what makes it that good that I feel able to judge whether another persons relationship is good for them or not.  It's strange because I am not particularly a judgemental person, and obviously, I don't have a qualification in relationships but sometimes I think unless you have a good relationship then maybe you don't know that you DON'T have one - you can't miss what you've never had.

There are some relationships that stick out in my mind in which I find the person that I know just doesn't seem to get anything back from, and I feel that it would never be enough for me.  Love and respect has to be two-sided, it's a mutual thing.  A family member of mine rushed into a marriage after they lost someone, and although neither are bad people, their relationship just doesn't seem to bring out the best in the other.  That's their choice!  A friend of mine found herself in a relationship for a long, long time that was going nowhere because of her partner, and eventually she seen the light and no matter the consequences she built the confidence to end it and to be honest, she is the happiest she has ever been.  Her partner didn't seem to take care of himself and his family would have been happy to blame her if anything had ever happened to him, but she accepted this - it wasn't her fault, he is an adult!  A lot of people seem to be in relationships because of the consequences of not being - they seem to feel obligated.  If you are married then in reality to take that vow - you have to take the rough with the smooth, but you can't be responsible for everyone in the world and make yourself entirely miserable for the rest of your life, surely!  If your relationship makes you miserable, then you really need to do something about it - even something like talking about it.

The most ridiculous relationship I know makes me want to shake the person.  A friend's daughter is with the biggest loser ever (and I don't mean off the TV).  She never believes he does wrong, when he has cheated, he never helps out with the boys, he lies and god knows what ever else, however, she met him in school.  He was her first love and although they argue all of the time, she is in complete denial of what he is really up to.  My friend wonders if she will ever wake up and is starting to lose hope, but what can you do if someone is just so blind and doesn't seem to see that they deserve better.  I want to say please get some self respect and know your worth, but I keep quiet.  Some people are more likely to fall out with you than listen!

So, why do I think my relationship is better?  For one thing, I already mentioned, I can tell my husband anything as he is my best friend.  I had anxiety issues when I was younger and he supported me through these and to the point were I completed a degree - all because I was encouraged and supported by my husband saying 'go for it' and 'you can do it', and to be honest, I was probably the last person anyone expected to achieve this.  We are equal and share housework, care for the children, we encourage one another, and we have things in common - for instance we watch similar things on the television and both like walking. I encourage and support him, and he encourages and supports me.  To me a relationship should help you grow as a person, help you to increase confidence, and you should look forward to growing old together.  As much as I don't want to be old, I am looking forward to the future including retirement - all I want is good health!

Another friend of mine spent several years experiencing bad relationship after bad relationship.  I used to think, unless you have respect yourself and stop with these silly relationships then how can you expect to build a trustful relationship with the right person.  I was so thrilled when she actually picked herself up, and found him!  She has certainly grew herself, with the person she loves and it makes me so happy to see how they support and encourage one another.  She is a different person now and I honestly think if she read this post she would know what I was talking about when comparing a good kind of relationship with a bad as she has been at both ends of the scale.

I think the main thing is that your on the same wave length.  I know if my husband needs some time alone, and he recognises if I do too and if you are in tune with one another you can manage a whole host of stressful situations.  We never shout at one another, but if we disagree we discuss this away from the children.  It's ironic really as both of us have the potential to be quite 'shouty' people lol!

Relationships are complicated, but I think most people can recognise when another person's relationship is dragging them down. I can think of many things I wouldn't have done if it wasn't for the encouragement and support from my husband.  Can you think of anyone who has supported you, and helped you develop as a person?

 Everyone has to make their own mistakes in life, but I worry that people stay in bad relationships because they think it's the best they will ever do.  If your partner makes you feel you like that, then that's not a mutual relationship and this doesn't just refer to partners, this could be any relationship in your life.  Your partner needs to make you feel like you are important and worthy, and you have to make them feel the same!

Do you know anyone or have you experienced both a bad and a good relationship?  Do you look back on it now in comparison to another and think, what was I thinking?  Do you feel encouraged and worthy in your relationship? Or are you happy with yourself, being on your own because you wouldn't accept anything in a relationship but the best?

It's a touchy subject and I can't possibly please everyone with my opinion, but I sincerely wonder how relationships work when the motto of one person in a so-called-partnership is to treat 'em mean, and the other person thinks that this is acceptable.  If you know why, leave a comment as I would love to hear from you?  Or maybe your from the otherside and see a bad relationship but feel you can't tell the other person what you really think?

Laters, Janet

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