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Tuesday, 9 June 2015

I miss my Dad!

Love Your Daddy!
With Father's day on the horizon, I'm sure many of you are thinking of your dads, I know I am.  Whilst some are lucky enough to have their fathers by their side, I am one of the unlucky ones - my dad died, 9 years ago.

He was ill for a few years beforehand and it was hard to watch him deteriorate.  For the last year of his life he didn't know anyone and didn't even bother to open his eyes that much.  It was heartbreaking!  You see, I love my dad.

I remember the day he died, I was with him.  It was scary, I knew he was going but I had to be with him.  His eyes looked glassy and empty.  I talked to him and sometimes I felt I had a brief response.  He ended up in a care home and for his final days, I spent 12 hours per day, for three days there until he finally passed.  Even though I was there it didn't really hit me at first.  I was the strong one, making arrangements.  It was the day of the funeral when I finally lost it.  When I seen them pull his coffin from the hearse and I tried to run away.  I freaked out and began to cry, the funeral was a total blur.

Every cloud has a silver lining and all that, I still have my memories.  There were lots of fun times growing up with his funny sayings, practical jokes, and amazing sense of humour.  Yet I feel it's unfair he was taken away at the age of just 66 with such a wicked, long lasting illness.  My eldest child was 11 days from her 1st birthday when he passed.  My second child is named after him, and I know all three of my children would have loved their Grandad - not only was I robbed of a father, they were robbed of their Grandfather.

I tell them about him, I show them pictures, and I tell them stories and songs he sang to me, but it's not the same.  It makes me sad to think of him not being here.

I hope my children think as much of their dad as I did mine, as I don't think you always realise what you have until it's gone.

To the dad I miss,
Who I wish I could kiss,
That I would tell this,
I love you!

I hope you haven't found my post too morbid.  Loss is a difficult thing to bear and it doesn't always go away.  If you have a dad, and you have a good relationship, cherish it!  Life is far too short so spoil him.

Look out for my post of funny stories later in the week (11th June) because I guarantee laughs!

Laters, Janet

#celebratingfathers #loveyourdad

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